My Dearest Mommy,
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!
Thank you so much for trying to keep this family together. I am always grateful to God everyday for His loving kindness, for His deep rooted love for each one of us, despite of our flaws and weaknesses, He is merciful enough to forgive us from our sins every time we ask for his grace and repentance.
Our hope is always in the Lord no matter where life takes us. Thank God, for His love that endureth forever even when we don't really deserved Him, yet He loves us anyway.
Christmas brings a lot of good and painful memories, now that daddy's gone. I also know that Christmas should be focused on what it means, it should be about Jesus,who is the reason for the season.
However, while still grieving over the loss of dad, I know Christmas is never going to be the same again without Him. Sometimes, I still find myself waking up at night sobbing with a wishful thinking that the reality of losing daddy, was all but a dream.
The pain and sting of losing daddy can still pierced right through the heart. But I know there is nothing impossible with God. He is still closer to the broken spirit and He is my healer as He is still working through our brokenness.
I never realized we can still be in this dark lonely place, and hit rock bottom having that feeling of hopelessness. But thank God, He is reminding me, while we are alive, there is always hope in Jesus!
Daddy's death led me to despair and the things that goes along with it. Am I worth it, as I ask God, sometimes. But God also make us realized His unconditional love, as Jesus taught us how to forgive others as well as to forgive ourselves because only in forgiveness we can find true peace in our hearts.
When it comes to faith, He is reminding me to only look unto Jesus, because the moment our attention is on the things around us, that's when we start to sink just like Peter, when he was willing to literally step onto the water while He was looking unto Jesus, that gave him confidence and courage. Yet, the moment he took off his eyes to Jesus, that's when he started to sink. Of course, none of us are perfect, not one! Even when you see so much politics in a place where it is externally focused and not focused on the heart like it should be, it does not help to feed your faith. But then again, this is the reason why we are called to focus our hearts and our mind to Jesus, alone, who is the author and the finisher of our faith. Or, otherwise the outcome will be much like Peter.
"12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." (Colossians 3:12-17)
This is truly a reminder, that I should just look unto Jesus and not the people around me. In Christ there is no condemnation. As I focus my mind to the one who deserves the glory who is Christ alone.
Where fear reigns, faith is driven away. But where faith reigns, fear has no place. Faith and fear don’t mix. As you bring in faith, fear will have no place in your life. But if you invite fear as a resident in your life, then you will drive faith away. And without faith, it is hard to please God.
I know this is just a phase in life where, we get to be reminded how we all truly need Jesus! I just want you to know, mom that we love you. With my hopes and prayer that , God will bless you more each day, even in this coming year. I wish you nothing but the best in life, good health and peace in our hearts that only God can provide. And God's love to bring healing to our souls. We love you so much more than you'll ever know.
With lots of love,
Josh, Ellen and Jamie
